He Has Made Me Glad

I feel sad today. It will be my Dad's birthday soon. I truly miss him.  I miss him everyday.  I miss the times when we were little... when Papa would wake us up and run after us.  My brothers and I would then race towards the dining table.  My mom was there preparing breakfast and we would all happily gobble up the food.  No camera captured that scene but I remember it vividly.  It was etched in my heart.  Precious memories.

My Mama and Papa separated when I was around seven years old and they both have different families now whom I dearly love.  I learned to accept how things are but the pain of separation lingers.  It is like my back pain.  It is just there.  I learned to live with it but it is just there.

This is not always what I feel.  But there are just days like these when I think of 'what could have beens'....days I feel "senti".

At times like this, I turn to my Father, the Great and loving One.  He knows my heart, my feelings, my pains.  He knows how to lift me up, ease the ache and make me smile once more.

"The Lord has done great things for them.
The Lord has done great things for us;
We are glad...
Those who sow in tears 
shall reap with joyful shouting.
He who goes to and fro weeping, 
carrying his bag of seed, 
shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, 
bringing his sheaves with him."
Psalm 126:3-6 (NASB) 

John Piper said sowing is simply the work that has to be done even when there are things in life that make us cry.  He said "... when you are full of sadness and tears are flowing easily, go ahead and do the jobs with tears.  Be realistic.  Say to your tears, 'Tears, I feel you. You make me want to quit life.  But there is a field to be sown (dishes to be washed, car to be fixed..) I know you will wet my face several times today, but I have work to do and you will just have to go with me. I intend to take the bag of seeds and sow. If you come along, then you will just have to wet the rows". (http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/talking-to-your-tears)

At the end of the day, I would have to make the choice to continue living a joyful life.  My parents would never be reunited, problems would probably remain, conflicts would arise but God is still in His throne.  He has done great things for me and I will be glad. (Psalm 126:3).

I choose to be glad.

My Papa singing a song for us during my wedding
- created using Leaving a Legacy Designs'
FIND YOUR VOICE

----------------------------------

FIND YOUR VOICE
by Leaving A Legacy Designs
Click the photo to grab the kit

For Better "Back" and For Worse "Back"

I started feeling lumbosacral back pain in Mid-January of this year and it has never left me since that time. I find it hard to sit or stand for long periods and I find it painful to bend.   I felt like Paul asking the Lord to remove the thorn in my flesh and I felt myself responding the way he did - the Lord's grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness.

Last month also, Alvin had his ortho check up and was diagnosed to have rheumatoid arthritis.  I am afraid I have it too because the very symptoms I have are the very symptoms Alvin had when his back pain started four years ago.  Being a homeschooling mom, I took that as an opportunity to teach the kids the pathophysiology of the disease.  lol. But this is not about that.

Just this month,  the Lord impressed in my heart that He allowed me to have this pain because He wants me to feel what my husband feels.  In the many years that Alvin had his back pain, I have never truly empathized with him because he always appeared strong and able. He played basketball even better than when he was younger.  He always carried the heavy stuff at home and helped me whenever he can without complaints.  I felt the Lord telling me that He wants me to feel what my husband feels.  He wants me to remember praying for Alvin most especially in times I am in pain and to be more understanding when he seems tired.

Alvin said maybe the Lord removed some of his pain and transferred them to me because I am his help meet.  The thought of that brought me joy because I feel that I am able to share his burden.

As I was reading Nehemiah 9 this morning, I was reminded to focus on God's goodness and His greatness rather than the physical discomforts I feel.  I would like to focus on the many blessings He showers us, indeed there are many.

"You alone are Lord, You have made the heavens, The heavens of heavens with all their hosts, The earth and all that is on it. The seas and all that is in them.  You give life to all of them.  And the heavenly host bows down before You." (Nehemiah 9:6 NASB)

That is who my God is.  He is a big God and my pain is but a speck.  I thank Him for these discomforts because it made me look forward to the glorified body He will give me in the future.  I thank Him for this pain because through this, I feel more connected with my husband.  I would gladly share his pain - for better "back" or worse "back", ' til death do us part.